Posted in 2015, fiction, Writing

Tomorrow

Couple of years ago I went through something that was inexplicable, unexplainable…something that I admit brought me down to a place that was one of my lowest points. I never really talked about it to anyone except my parents and some close friends…but this story came from it.

TW: Thoughts of suicide. NB: I didn’t ever think of suicide…but this was my way of processing my thoughts. I wasn’t in a good place. But, I had God. And my creativity and words.
Continue reading “Tomorrow”

Posted in fan fiction, fanfiction, fiction, my writing, Simple Plan, Writing

“I don’t want to hear it.” (Bed Hair – Three)

Los Angeles, CA

“So. You’re telling me you scheduled a fucking promo tour to Australia without asking me how I felt about it? You know what’s doing down there.”
Continue reading ““I don’t want to hear it.” (Bed Hair – Three)”

Posted in fan fiction, fanfiction, fiction, my writing, Simple Plan, Writing

“Thank God for Fridays.” (Bed Hair – Two)

April 2010
Perth, WA

Dear Diary,

You know what I don’t like? Sitting around, twiddling my thumbs and having to wait for work to come to me. I know I should be proactive, but when work doesn’t exist it’s a little difficult to be all gung ho over it. My parents have been complaining, but come on, you have to blame the government, don’t you? And, the media. All the hype last year about not having enough teachers has turned into just as much hype about not enough students. I wish they’d make up their minds.

Luckily, I’ve managed to secure a casual position at the Association of Science Teachers. Not ideal, but at least I don’t have to scab off my parents for fuel money. And I can pay for my own car insurance. Whoop-dee-do. That’s all small potatoes, though.

I can’t believe I’m writing this down; I’m such a boring person. Then again, I guess no one is going to be sticking their noses’ into my journal, are they? I mean, the ramblings of an average Australian woman who doesn’t have a spectacular life aren’t going to interest anyone in particular. Of course, in my opinion, it’s been a pretty speccy life, so far. But, doesn’t everyone think that about their own lives, no matter how ordinary they are?

Okay, so I’m not being entirely honest am I? But, my life is ordinary now. Let’s just forget about that three year period where I was not living at home in a normal suburban bungalow. I mean, not that it was bad…just…well, I’ve compartmentalised that part of my life to be treasured in my own private moments, too private even for this journal.

Anyway. After graduating last year, I was hoping that I’d get a job, quick smart. It didn’t happen, though. Which just sucks. But, that’s life for you. Well, at least it would be, except that ever since coming home, I’ve become more serious about my life. Or, to be more exact, my spiritual life. Which naturally translates to me going to church regularly.

I’ve found this great church in the city that’s just the right fit with where I’m at, right now. I’m not new to this. I was raised in the belief, but I wasn’t really serious about it. It’s kind of ironic my science degree was the catalyst that made me start thinking on it more. That was a few years ago, though. It just sort of came back to me in the last year. I guess that makes me a weird Christian.

Not that any of that matters to anyone, but me. Anywho, I have to stop here. The phone just rang. It was Mercy School asking to see if I can come in and do some relief. High maintenance teenaged kids, here I come…

~~~~~~~~~~
Continue reading ““Thank God for Fridays.” (Bed Hair – Two)”

Posted in Blogging, fan fiction, fanfiction, fiction, my writing, Simple Plan, Writing

Bed Hair is Not a Fashion Statement – Simple Plan Fan Fiction

Image

So, I don’t often share about my writing on this specific blog anymore. I do most of that on my other blog https://50shadesofmymind.wordpress.com. However, I thought I would share one of my fan fictions on this blog, so you get to see where some of my writing energy goes to.

Continue reading “Bed Hair is Not a Fashion Statement – Simple Plan Fan Fiction”

Posted in a7x fan fiction, fanfiction, fiction, flu season, my thoughts, the aviators, winter, Writing

Flu season and writing season

So, I wanted to write a bit about my fiction, but before I do, a comment that needs to be made about winter.

I do not like winter in Perth.  The number of viruses I’ve had over the last three months has been ridiculous.  And this one I have now? It’s the last straw.  For now.  The doctor ordered the rest of the week off and I’m to stay warm and rest.  I can do that, but at the same time I feel that I need to exercise my mind at least.

Hence the reason behind this particular blog.  I want to talk about my fiction writing. Continue reading “Flu season and writing season”

Posted in Blogging, day 23, day 24, EP, fan fiction, fiction, July, stay, word a day, Writing

July Blogging Challenge – Word a Day

Day 23 – Alone

I’m never really alone.  Ever.  Even in the loneliest of times I remember that I have God on my side and that’s an amazing truth to me.  However, there have been times when I have felt terribly alone.  When I lost my job in 2014.  When my husband is in hospital.  Those are the times I felt the most alone.  But, here’s the rub, being around people does not cure the feeling of being alone.  You can feel alone even in a room filled with people.
Aloneness is not dependent on how many people there are or are not in a room.  It’s actually a state of being.  If you have nothing in common with the people in the room, then you can feel just as alone.  If you have no connection then you might as well be an island in the middle of a grand ocean.  And I think that’s why that having the knowledge that I belong to a loving God works to chase away that sense of loneliness.  God has promised to always be with me even through the deep valleys of my life. And that is a promise I cling to and give thanks for every day.
Day 24 – Summer

I am going to do a fictional vignette for this word.  But, before I do, let’s just say that I wish it was summer right now.  I am so over winter.  Anyway, without further ado, here’s EP (Evil Pierre Bouvier… :P) with his thoughts…they may just be illuminating.


EP

We met in the warmer months leading up to the Australian summer.  At a bar in Queensland.  I’d left the rest of the guys back at the hotel and found myself in a bar near to the venue.  She was sitting at the bar, very much alone.  Later on, she told me that her friends had walked out on her for some reason I can’t remember (she would tell you that is was me who was the one alone…but this is how I remember it).  That pissed me off, no end.  Anything could’ve happened to her…
I guess I happened to her.  But, that’s not a bad thing, though if you knew our past since that meeting…well, perhaps you’d beg to differ.  But, anyway…
She was there.  And something made me walk up and sit by her side.  The way her eyes widened as I came into her line of sight…let’s just say my jeans felt a bit tight after that…
She was a fan of the band…was wearing one of our tour shirts.  She also mentioned going to the gig.  I’m not really sure if any of that registered, though as I was more interested in checking her out.  I knew, even then, that I wanted her.  You know exactly what I mean.  I wanted to feel her skin against mine, to taste her…to touch her, to get inside her.  And I’d just met the chick… 
I still have no explanation as to why or how any of this was possible.  Soul mate is not a term I ascribe to, though Pierre says that’s exactly what it was.  Our souls (all our soul…Pierre….me…) were connected by slender threads of our auras in inexplicable ways.  
Too esoteric perhaps?  
Anyway, that night…I took charge.  Invited her back to my room.  She was reluctant…so I made her promise to keep in touch.  We traded numbers and emails… Best decision I’d ever made…
Fast forward a year.  Another gig.  Different country.  Different city.  I got Pat to be the go-between and he executed my plan perfectly.  VIP backstage pass, Pat brought her backstage to meet the band and then I asked her out to dinner.   Those luminous eyes were once again wide open, taking me in, taking the dining experience in…taking everything in.  
And I waited for the right moment…
Sometimes I wonder if I pushed too hard that first night.  Sometimes, I even feel some guilt.  But, from all indications, she was into it.  And today she would tell me that I gave her exactly what she needed, even though she hadn’t realised she even needed it until that point.  I guess it’s not easy to come to the conclusion that you’re of a particular personality type, especially when it comes to something as intimate as your sex life…and your whole being… But, she’s submissive in the bedroom, and that fuels the Dominant in me… 
It’s taken many years for us to be truly comfortable in our roles, and fully trusting to each other.  It’s why she spent so many years with Pierre, and the others, and not with me.  I broke a lot of trust in the early years…was a horrible person…and I still can be…but, I check myself now.  I don’t want to be that controlling SOB that I was when I was younger… 
Being so in the confines of our home…when she needs to be in her sub space?  That’s a different matter.  I’ll be whatever she needs me to be.  Friend, mate, lover, Dom… 
It is something I struggle with, though…not abusing my position.  It is not in my nature to go easy on her…it is not in my nature to concede my authority… But, I love her…and I don’t want to push her away like I did in that past…so, I’m learning compromise.  Pierre says I’m getting better at it…but, he’s always there in the background.  
Just in case.  


Posted in blaze, Blogging, day 16, day 17, fire, July, my thoughts, unfold, word a day, Writing

July Blogging Challenge – Word a Day

Day 16 – Blaze

So, I missed day 16 as I was in a bit of a mood, yesterday.  And then we went out for a work social night, which was actually exactly what I needed.  Anyway, the word for 16th of July was ‘blaze’.  The first thought that comes to mind when I see the word ‘blaze’ is fire.  
Fire is actually quite an amazing…element?  Well, I can’t really explain fire to be honest.  It is a chemical reaction I think? It’s caused by the combination of chemicals with oxygen in the air and gives off heat, and light.  Blue flame is hotter than orange.  
When humans gained the ability to harness fire…that was when civilisation began, really.  That and agriculture.  But, being able to use fire to cook with, and to clear land for use…that was a big thing.  
I love sitting in front of a fireplace in winter, and enjoying the warmth and also watching the flames leap up and fill a dark room with light.  It’s quite hypnotic…and relaxing.  
When I was at school and we went on camps, we used to do this thing where if the smoke moved toward us, we would say ‘white rabbit’ and it was meant to make it move away.  Half the time it didn’t, but it was fun to just yell out ‘white rabbit’ while sitting in the dark and watching the smoke.  I think the teachers indulged us in this activity, until we were tired and headed to our bivvies.  
Fun times.
I’ve seen another use of the word ‘blaze’ when people say ‘blaze it’.  And maybe I’m getting old, but I really don’t get it.  There’s some connection with 4.20?  And I really don’t know.  Sometimes I wish words just had one meaning and we stuck with that… 
Day 17 – Unfold

Today is the 17th of July, and the word of the day is ‘unfold’.  And, right now I’m attempting to write more of my story The Aviators.  I really want to know how the rest of the story is going to unfold as I began writing it in 2008? I think?  No.  2009.
Wow.  Just.  Wow.  That’s longer than the length of time I took to write Adeline’s Choice (You Don’t Mean Anything).  Granted, I’ve experienced massive breaks between writing.  Lots of writer’s block going on there.  But, I think I know how I’m going to end this.  And, maybe I’ll regret how I’ll end it.  But, I need to finish writing the story because…well, otherwise I never will.  
So, I guess we’ll see.  I’m throwing in the “M” word.  Cliche, perhaps….but, you know.  I’m the master of cliche.  

Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, Writing

May Is Almost Over

Greetings readers.
May is almost over.  Hard to believe how fast this year is going.  The first half of the year is almost done with.  For me, looking back, it has mostly been filled with positives.  With some minor health setbacks. Including today.  
I was at home yesterday, and again today, and it’s frustrating to say the very least.  I don’t enjoy being ill and unable to work.  I’m sure you would all agree with that sentiment. 
So, to amuse myself I think I’m going to pick and choose topics to write about from some blogging suggestions I’ve looked up.  
This morning I’m going to focus on music.
10 random songs on my iPod and how I feel about them

Crimson Day – A7X
This song is off Avenged Sevenfold’s album Hail to the King.  I don’t have any real or deep thoughts about this song.  But, it’s a mellow, melodic song with strong drum beats that I can’t help but sit and nod my head to.  Not a favourite of mine but, definitely not a song that I would skip.  And Shads has a good voice …so…
Mountain of God (Live) – Third Day
One of my favourite Third Day songs.  I’m a little bummed that Third Day didn’t do this song at their concert when they came to Perth earlier this year.  
Such a beautiful song that speaks truth about my God. 
Hope Springs Eternal – Riverview Worship
Beautiful worship song from my home church.  Nothing more needs to be said, except:
Hope springs eternally
Christ is risen
Your love has taken hold of me
I am forgiven 
I am forgiven
Hope springs eternally 
There’s no condemnation
Your love has made a way for me
Now I belong 
I belong to You.
Surrendering – Riverview Worship
Devotional worship.  From my home church once more.  Reminding me of the best place to be when I need rest. 
Immortals (End Credit Version) – Fall Out Boy
I’m not sure why I like this song.  The tune is catchy and it’s just a fun song.  It’s just one of those songs that I can’t help listening to over and over
It’s a Hard Knock Life
Annie is one of my favourite musicals and this song is one of the classics from it. 
Momentum – Riverview Worship
Instrumental piece of worship from my church. 
Sarah (Live at MAX Sessions)
I love Eskimo Joe.  They are a great Western Australian band.  And this song has always been one of my favourites.
Come Revive – Riverview Worship
This is a great worship anthem written by my church team.  Praying for the Holy Spirit to come and revive God’s people, the Church.
Afterlife – A7X
This song was written by late drummer, Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan and is one of my favourites off the band’s self titled album.  I haven’t listened to any Avenged Sevenfold for months but, these days I tend to need to be in the mood to listen to their music.  It’s a lot darker and heavier than music I tend to listen to in this season.  But this track holds a dear spot in my heart because it marks a season in my life.  If that makes any sense.  

Songs that have made me cry and why?

Fiction – A7X 
This was the final song Jimmy sang on and it’s so haunting to hear his voice coupled with Matt’s I cry every time I listen to it.  Even now after six years since he died.  And I always make the mistake of listening to it in the car while I’m driving.

Hole in the World – The Eagles
The story behind how and why The Eagles wrote this song breaks my heart.  They wrote it just after the events of “9/11”. 
Glorious Ruins – Hillsong
Whenever we sing this at church I always get emotional 
Wildest Dreams – Riverview Worship 
This song has been my anthem and my truth since I first heard it in 2014.  It helped remind me of the truth that God is there for me and got me through the crap that happened last year.  And this year has been the proof of it. 
10 Favourite Songs 

Perfect World – Simple Plan
Sold Out – Hawk Nelson
One Life – Hedley
Bye Bye Bye – *NSYNC
He Don’t Love You – Human Nature
I Want It That Way – Backstreet Boys
No Ordinary World – John Farnham
Scream – A7X 
Victim – A7X 
Precious Love – Riverview Worship