Posted in my thoughts, personal, sex

On Sex and waiting after marriage

Sexual compatibility isn’t about the act of having sex


It’s so much more than that. It’s a heart connection. That’s why having sex outside of marriage (or committed long term relationship) can be so damaging. 

~~~~

Asking how can one know if they’re compatible if they don’t try before marriage is a pointless question.

Because you can know before you ever engage in sexual intercourse.

I waited. But we both knew we were compatible because we didn’t abstain from touching each other and talking about what we liked.

You see the way I see it is this: if you know your own body you can actually make yourself compatible with your partner. You just need to communicate your needs, and they theirs. You have to be on the same page, emotionally and mentally. The physical side of things will follow.

I don’t pretend to be an expert about these things, but I think I’ve managed to prove a couple of people wrong on that front.

Waiting until after marriage has actually made it all the better.

One more thing. In the end, it comes down to the act of love.

God, who is Love incarnate, created the act of sex to be enjoyed between a married couple. It is the ultimate show of love and trust in a relationship.

For me, waiting until after marriage was the best decision I ever made.

No regrets.

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Posted in adoptee, adoption, Blogging, family is everything, my thoughts, personal, World adoption day

Who I Am: Being Adopted

I’m not asking “who am I?” Because I think I know myself well enough now to tell you who I am.

I don’t think we ever know ourselves completely, but as the kind of person who tends to think a lot, I think I can explain myself at least a little.  
Where to start, though?  
I was born in Hong Kong thirty years ago.  My mother was practically a school girl, seventeen and still at home with her parents. Being born out of wedlock it was admirable that my birth mother and my pawpaw tried to raise me even still. 
It was actually because I became seriously ill that they had to give me up. 
I was placed in an orphanage, the Po Leung Kuk, and due to circumstances out of their control I was there for three years.  I like to believe that it was all part of God’s plan and timing.  
To explain my view further, my parents, Alison and Bruce, applied for adoption and the day I was born was the day they were approved.  Bear in mind, they didn’t know I existed at that time.  They didn’t find out about me until I was 2 1/2ish.  
That’s definitely God’s doing. 
Anyway to cut a long story short, mum and dad picked me up on my third birthday and took me home to Melbourne, where I lived for seven years. 


I had some great experiences while living there. Made lasting friendships through primary school and church.

I went to Presbyterian Ladies College from Prep to Grade five. I have vague and vivid memories from my time at the school. Some good, some embarrassing. 

I remember getting into trouble for poking my tongue out at my then best friend Michelle and having to sit outside the office. I remember sitting on the stands during swimming when I was not well enough to swim talking to a friend who also wasn’t swimming. I remember playing “first is worst, second is best” when lining up to get back into class. I remember Mr Law (my year 3 teacher who was captain of North Melbourne kangaroos in the early 90s).  I remember playing with my toy horses and using the partition in my lunch box as a fence.

I remember the bully two years ahead of us, Hangman. I remember playing Mother May I on the steps. Remember going to the wrong class and being totally embarrassed. This could be where my anxiety in speaking out could’ve stemmed from. 

I remember having flute lessons and having to walk over to the senior school. I remember the under croft. I remember…

It’s amazing what one can remember, though I don’t know if these are true memories or ones that I was told about by other people. 

From church – my home church then was Donvale Presbyterian Church – I remember the old hall. I can picture it in my head, but I can’t really describe it. I remember people’s faces but I can’t remember names. Well, not all of them. I can’t picture the old church building, though as it looks very different now. It’s over fifty years old, the church. 

And then there was my horse riding, and jazz ballet and tap that I did for a year. The latter, not the former.

So many memories of Melbourne; of my childhood.  They were important years in forming who I am today.  Though I’ve lived in both Townsville and Perth longer than I lived there.  

We also adopted my younger brother in this time 
And I met my birth mother.

We moved to Townsville in 1996, and I feel I remember more of the time we lived there than in Melbourne.  I formed few lasting friendships (Sarah came to my wedding this year) and for the first few years we were part of a group of families who were all adoptees/adoptive.  
It was great to be able to be part of a group of people who had shared stories. I wonder what happened to those families?  
In this period, we went back to Hong Kong to meet my birth mother again and also to meet my brother’s birth mother.  
On a related tangent, I think it’s absolutely amazing that my parents were able to connect me with my birth mother.  My adoption was a closed one, which meant that it wasn’t actually supposed to be allowed for me to search for her.  But, mum and dad believed it to be important and I am grateful that they did.  I personally don’t remember how I felt the first time, but even now it’s still kind of surreal when I think of her, as I consider my parents to be my parents.  As it should be.  
Another note, I probably faced racism in school, but it wasn’t something that ever fazed me any, it was all kind of just a part of the ingrained culture of high school and wasn’t any more bad or worse than any other form of teasing.  
Even as an adult I don’t really get any negative racism from anyone.  And I think the fact that I was brought up to tolerate and accept people who are different from me helps in this.  Also my upbringing in the Church.  
I know I haven’t mentioned much about that, but, I’m talking on more of a broad view of my life as an adoptee.  However, in essence, God is at the centre of all of it.  So, there really isn’t any need to delve into my faith right now. 
I must mention briefly that when I was in high school and doing my first degree while living in Townsville, we went to a Presbyterian Church that I eventually started to only go to once a month or so, because it just wasn’t drawing me.  I never moved away from God, even when studying a science degree, but I just became jaded about the church itself.  
Fast forward to when we moved to Perth, and I found my second home, Riverview.  But, that’s a whole other blog post.  Suffice to say that my 9 years in this city has helped me grow even more in myself, and forever reminds me of how grateful I am for the opportunities I’ve been afforded because I was adopted, and the people I’ve met.  Including my wonderful husband, who is also adopted (along with his sister and her husband).  
Adoption is special.  Adoption is about creating family.  Adoption is all about love.  
God bless you all.
**Apologies for the disjointedness of some of this blog.  I don’t think in perfectly, grammatically correct English. 
Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, personal, prevention, protection, sex

The importance of Safety

This is a topic that isn’t easy to broach, especially as it’s always such a private issue.  But the subject of practising safe sex is an important one, regardless of the relationship. 

 I believe in using protection during sex, I must admit mainly because it was drummed into me in high school.  So, how much of that is just an ingrained lesson from when I was young, to something that I seriously actually believe in?

I am well aware of the risk of getting STIs, but, the bigger thing for me is how do I go about discussing this in a mature way without compromising how I feel about the matter?  
We did talk about this earlier on in the relationship, but we get married in less than three months and I have to admit that the act of sex is not something either of us is shy about.  But, my fiancé gives me the impression that he doesn’t see the necessity for protection.  
I am on the pill, but that’s not a fail safe and it doesn’t protect from STIs.  (And I’m on the pill for medical reasons concerning my iron levels not for sexually related reasons.)
And to be honest a part of me is not the biggest fan of the idea of using physical protection.  But, I’m also not a fan of the possibility of contracting a venereal disease.   
Big point to make:  This is not a trust issue.  
I trust my fiancé indefinitely.  And I do not think for one second that he would do anything that would harm me intentionally.  
This is a health risk issue.  And whether I’m willing to compromise my knowledge of how STIs work and how well condoms can actually protect against them for what we both think feels better…
I mean, obviously when we start trying to have children we won’t use protection, that’s a given.  But do I really want to start trying straight away?  Though, I am on the pill.  It’s a lot to think about and I really don’t know why I’m thinking about it right now.  
Guess that’s what happens when I stay up way past my bed time.  
And yes this is something I need to discuss with my fiancé.  But, I needed to sort my thoughts out here.
So, to clarify:
1.  I believe in using protection 
2.  I know the pros (lots of pros), and the cons (not that many really…and “it doesn’t feel good” isn’t an excuse)
3.  STI prevention
4.  This is not a trust issue
5.  We both believe in sex after marriage, so how do I even start this conversation? Not on our wedding night surely.  
6.  I’m a virgin, whatever that means.  Basically, I’ve never had sexual intercourse. 
Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, my writing, personal

30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 6

The person that you like and why you like them

The person I like? Is this in reference to the person I’m in a relationship with because if so….

That would be my boyfriend.  On an aside it sounds weird saying boyfriend, considering our ages….
Anyway, this isn’t answering the question.  So…why I like them.  Well, let’s get something clear, first.
Liking and loving someone are actually separate things.  You can love someone without liking them.  But, it’s hard to like someone you don’t love.  With that in mind, here’s why I like my man.
He gets me. Even when I don’t understand myself.  By that, I mean he can tell when something is going on with me and he draws me out when I need it most.  And I think that’s a great thing.
To think we’ve been together just under four months and he gets me like that.
Oh and I like his beard 😉
Haha. 🙂 
Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, my writing, personal

30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 5

5 things that irritate you about the opposite/same sex

I think I’m going to just change this to 5 things that irritate me about other people because I honestly can’t think of ten things that irritate me about specific genders.

I don’t think I can even think of five.

Anyway, here goes…
What irritates me about people? 
First of all, people who cut you off on the road for no reason at all.  Basically Perth drivers irritate me….
Second, people who are arrogant and think they are all that.  When really they’re not.
Third, know-it-alls.  I am guilty of being this type of person though, so I’m trying not to judge.  
Four, atheists who verbally attack Christians for their beliefs.
Five, anti-vaccine advocates.  
Well that was actually quite easy… 
And definitely pertinent to my thoughts at the moment.  


Posted in Blogging, haha, my thoughts, my writing, personal

30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 4

What you wear to bed

Getting really personal, hey?
Well this really depends on the season, or weather, or what I feel like.  But, generally I wear nighties, or pyjamas,  or tracksuit pants if it’s really cold, like last night.  Even with my electric blanket on…
When it’s really hot…well.  Usually just a light nighty.  Though, if I’m going to be entirely honest, I have on occasion gone just the underwear route.  
Too much information?
Well, I am into honesty.  🙂
Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, personal, Writing

30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 2

How have you changed in the past 2 years?


Taking stock of where I’m at right at this moment, compared to last year, is quite enlightening.  I feel a little more confident and definitely a lot happier and content than I was at the same time in 2013.  And definitely more so than I was at the same time in 2014.
I’ve grown closer to God as well, and my vision of the future, at least as far as the next year is concerned, has a lot more clarity than before.  
Sounds vague, hey?  Well, to put it in a nutshell: I’ve gotten closer to God and am more content than I was two years ago. Because as we all know happiness is fleeting.  True joy is everlasting.  



Posted in Blogging, my thoughts, personal, Writing

30 Day Blogging Chalłenge – Day 1

I haven’t blogged in a while, so I figured I would remedy that by starting a 30 day challenge.  So, without further ado… 


Day 1


Weird things you do when you’re alone


This is something I haven’t given much thought to; however, putting my mind to it there are several things that I do that some people may find odd.  
1.  I read books out loud.  I’m currently reading James Dashner’s The Maze Runner and I just read it out loud.  Not to anyone, remember this is something I do when I’m alone.  I remember mum catching me out reading books out loud when I was a teen and she told me to stop because it was silly and that no one reads books out loud.  However, I like doing it for some reason…not sure why?  Perhaps I like hearing myself using different tones of voice depending on how I interpret the writing, or dialogue.   Who knows.
2.  I wander around my apartment.  Not for any particular reason.  I just do.  
3.  This one is connected to number two, sort of.  An extension of it, I guess.  I turn on my iPod, putting my earbuds in and pace around my living room, telling myself stories in my head.  Most of the stories feature the Rebels of Scotland who are my own creation.  But, always to music.  This probably means something.  Maybe I should just bite the bullet and write about The Rebels.  I do know them the best after EP and the rest.
4.  I sometimes stand in the middle of my living room.  Doing nothing.  Just standing there.
5.  I will sometimes sit in front of my laptop after my shower with just my towel wrapped around my waist.
6.  The last thing I do that some may consider weird, and that I know is really a bad habit, is that I will sit and pick the skin on my hands and feet.…and I can waste hours of time doing that…. Without even realising.  It is kind of a problem.  
Posted in childcare, life, my thoughts, personal, work

Reflections of Myself

Listening to:  Encounter – Riverview Worship
Mood:  Awake, content, happy

I’ve had this thought:  Taking initiative is difficult for me.  Unless it comes to direct interaction with the children at work.  I’m more of a follower and thrive when being directed by others.

I had a big win the other day.  I was settling a child to sleep, and by reading a book that he chose he eventually just dropped off to sleep.  Sleep time can be difficult; the key is to remain calm and ‘low’ as it helps to settle the children down.  Especially if they are still spending their energy.

I think allowing the children to make choices and to give us cues as to when they are tired and being flexible with rest times works.  Rather than having strict rest times.  Obviously, once we have more children that may need to be altered, but while we have low numbers and the children we have are getting used to the centre it has worked quite well.

I am still super excited about heading to work each day, and I pray that this continues.  I know there will be down days; every job has that.  However, I am excited for the possibilities and helping my centre grow and become everything it can be for the community it aims to serve.

This is my centre and I’m proud of where we are and where we’re heading and absolutely blessed and feel that it is such a privilege to be part of such an important journey.

I still feel I have more to offer and just need to figure out what that is.  I’m not artistically inclined and sometimes it takes time for me to come up with ideas for programming, or abstract thinking.  I feel that comes back to the fact that I have a ‘follow the leader’ approach to life.

Give me a task to do and I’ll set my heart and mind to it.

Being left to my own devices I often flounder and will just stick to the easy route of allowing spontaneity to ensue.

This also leads to me appearing lazy; but, I’m far from it.  I’m usually just off in my own little world, which is always busy.  If I could write everything that was going on in my mind on any given day, I’d probably fill pages and pages…even write a book in a day.

So, just because I may look like I’m sitting around doing nothing, doesn’t mean I’m not actively engaging with the environment I’m in.

I guess children are like that as well.

I’ve learned from experience that a child who is sitting by themselves with nothing at hand doesn’t necessarily need or want attention.  Sometimes they are just processing their environment and will eventually make a decision as to what/how they want to engage.

Of course, there will come a time when some encouragement or prompting is welcomed, but this often depends on duration and other factors.  But, allowing children to make their own choices is important in building independence and teaching them how to navigate their world.

It’s how they learn.  It’s how we all learn.

We never stop learning and growing.

And, reflection is a big part of that.  So, here’s my first one for the year.  🙂