I’m in a weird space right now. I work with children, babies really. And it’s not helping my need to be a mother. And, yes, that’s exactly what it is; a need. A strong, burning, sense that I am meant to be a mother.
I know it’s also a want, but it’s one that I feel deep down inside of the depths of my being.
It doesn’t help that half the parents of the babies in my room are pregnant with their second….
I feel empty.
I cried last night. And I know that upset my husband because it makes him feel helpless. And because he feels the same way.
His health is a big factor as to why all this is so hard. But, I by no means blame his health. There are plenty of perfectly “healthy” couples who walk through this barren field.
You know the field. Where every other fruit is being borne, but the one of new life.
It’s in this moment of doubt and fear that I know I need to turn to God and place all of it at the foot of the Cross. It’s easier said than done, though.
But, I’ll speak it out.
In God I trust.
I trust Him with my waking and my sleeping.
I trust Him with my ups and downs.
I trust Him with all my life.
He lay down His life for me
On the Cross at Calvary.
I can do no less.
For God knows the plans He has for me. Not to harm me but for me to prosper for His glory.