Grief is a funny thing. There is no rhyme or reason to the process. Here is a list of what grief specifically looks like for me.
Advertisements
Category: life
Life at the moment…a list.
Hello to my readers out there. I know I have neglected posting anything for a little while. Life is full at the moment. Not so much with tangible stuff; however, personally, emotionally and medically a lot is going on. So, to fill you in with all the to-and-fro of the past month or so, here is a list of the more important moments, and thoughts that I’ve had.
Reflections of a Married Woman – First Anniversary
It’s Thursday, the day of Throwbacks, a good day as any to reflect on my first year of marriage. We celebrated our anniversary on the weekend, a long weekend by all accounts. Tuesday was the day of our actual anniversary; the 13th of September. We went away to spend time together out of the rat race and I can tell you now it was much needed. I’ve returned to work feeling refreshed and positive about the future. A future that God is taking us to, and through. I am forever grateful for His presence in all this. Continue reading “Reflections of a Married Woman – First Anniversary “
July Blogging Challenge – Word a Day
Day 7 – Talk
Today was filled with talk. Babies learning to talk, learning new words and just babbling and believing that they were fully engaged in conversation. Talk of work practises at previous centres that we all worked at and tonight, talk with family and friends about everything that was possible. From Star Wars to work, to relationships, to religion, to innuendo laden statements.
And that last talk was accompanied by tacos.
Taco and Talk was what Mark called it.
A great day. With lots of words spoken.
29th June 2016 – Half way point.
Half year thoughts
Today is the second last day of June of 2016. Hard to believe that we’ve reached the middle of the year. Well, almost hard to believe. I look back over this first half of the year and marvel at what has happened. I’ve grown as a person, that’s for sure. I’m a different person than I was at the beginning of the year; but in many ways, still the same. If that makes any sense at all.
Mark and I have been married for nine months. That’s as long as full term pregnancy. Don’t get me started on being pregnant, though.
I’m not pregnant. Just to clarify that point.
Anyway, we’ve been in our little place in Tuart Hill for six months, now and it definitely feels like home. I could hazard to say though that anywhere with my husband is home. Profound? I tend to become pensive when I’m home sick from work.
Yes, I’ve had two days off because of my stupid cough that’s just exhausted me. So, I now have a two day working week? And the serious consideration of perhaps going back to a five day working week…with shorter hours? As in full time, 7.5 hour shifts. Technically 8 hours with a half hour lunch break. My health seems to have taken a step back since picking up the ten hour shifts. Makes a whole lot of sense. Though I do enjoy the extra day off. However, if the payoff is that I get sick more…it might not be worth it. Will have to see.
Anyway, half way through the year, and where are we at? Let’s see. Maybe a list to start the thoughts flowing. 30 things that have gotten me to the middle of the year.
1. We’ve been married 9 months.
2. We’ve been in Tuart Hill for six months
3. Our Connect Group is planned to begin in July, after many setbacks – being sick, too busy, etc.
4. Hubby is starting up his own DJ business. So excited for him. Supplement to our income. A hobby job. He’s doing a wedding next month.
5. We’ve started trying. You know exactly what I mean…
6. Work has gotten busier with more babies in my room – though half of them were sick all week last week. Perhaps why I got sick?
7. Hubby’s work may have more opportunities for him, beginning with an extra two hours per shift. Makes a whole lot of sense. I just don’t like change. But, by the same token it will work for us.
8. I helped my best friend move out of home. – twice – her house warming is at the end of July.
9. Music is a huge part of what’s happening in my life. New worship music especially. And Good Charlotte. Always GC.
10. You thought I was going to put Simple Plan. But that doesn’t even need to be said. Team SP all the way. Taking One For The Team.
11. Spending time with our Breakaway crew. Bowling, Pool, Just Dance party, food, fellowship.
12. Movie dates.
13. Hanging out with my husband’s best friend and God-daughter.
14. Spending time with family.
15. Celebrating birthdays. Three in one in June….
16. My dad was awarded an AM for his contribution to Chiropractic work in Australia.
17. My brother started his first real job. So proud of him.
18. Our centre has been open 18 months and we went really well in our Assessment and Rating – Meeting overall, exceeding in some of those areas.
19. Being sick only in Autumn/Winter – score. Though it sucks because I can’t seem to shake it.
20. I really need to work on being clean at home….Haha. I have no problem with being a clean freak at work, though.
21. I have the best co-workers in the world. They’re my team. My third family. Family is where your heart is. So, that makes sense. One member of that family even invited us to her Church family. The Rocks. An amazing heart for God and His people in that place.
22. I’m cluckier than I’ve ever been.
23. My Nan is on Facebook now.
24. My parents have been married 35 years! Pretty darn amazing.
25. Mark and I watch Q and A on ABC. It’s led to some heated discussions. Also some well thought out debates. I love that I can have conversations that matter with my husband. Also silly convos too 😉
26. I discovered a great devotional tool/app called She Reads Truth. I’ve always wanted to read the Bible more and learn and grow from it, but I’ve always found it difficult to commit. But, because I can engage with it through social media and on my phone, it’s perfect for me. And I can engage others through social media as well. Just my thing.
27. My writing has dwindled…and I’ve been focussing more on my blogging and journal, but that’s alright by me, especially as every now and again inspiration does strike for my stories.
28. During this election campaign period (for Australia and the U.S.) I’ve learned a lot about where I stand on social justice issues. Especially as a faithfully committed follower of Christ.
29. I’ve sung Row, Row, Row, Your Boat more times than I can ever hope to count.
30. Mark and I drove by Riverview’s home building in Burswood…and I can say we are just that much closer to moving home. But, Church is where the people are. So, come to Curtin and worship God with us.
I don’t suppose I really need to elaborate on any of those points as they may speak for themselves. Though I do want to say something about the ‘trying’ point.
I want children. It’s a need that I have deep inside me. To be a mother. To nurture someone into being a person who will make a difference. It’s difficult for me at the moment, knowing that health and other issues stand in the way in some small form. Yes, this is the twenty-first century and there are ways to manage those things. Ways to get past all that. But, it doesn’t make it easy. I think I’m more at peace with it now, though. After an emotional moment last week.
To me, the most important thing is that I get to walk this journey of life with my husband by my side. Me at his. And even that is something I battle with. God alone knows how long that walk will be. But, I promised with all my heart that through sickness and health I would stand by my husband. No exceptions.
Serious thoughts…topical points
Election Day on Saturday. On the second day of the second half of the year I have to make a decision that impacts not just myself, but also my country. Yes, yes…I know my one measly vote may not make much of a direct impact. However, I need to consider my stance on what has been thrown up during this campaign. The same-sex marriage plebiscite, the asylum seekers and what the government is planning to do about it. Early learning educator wages. And many other things that I may even not have thought of.
I have read some interesting and thought-provoking views on how to vote as a Christian; the most radical being a shift in thinking. That is: We should vote in light of what other people need. Not necessarily what we want. If we’re already better off and the vote won’t change much for us either way…then perhaps we should be voting in a way that helps those who are less advantaged. Now that’s a paradigm shift if I ever saw one. And it makes a lot of sense. Hard to change people’s views though, but if anyone should vote that way it’s a committed follower of Christ.
Also, just because a Party might have the word “Christian” in their title, doesn’t automatically mean you should vote for them. Just a thought. Vote instead for a party that acts out Christian values. Not one that is nominal.
~~~~
My views on a plebiscite for same-sex marriage are quite simple. I think that we should have a say in what happens. My husband believes that it would divisive and damaging. Mayhap the campaign may come across that way, but I would hope it wouldn’t end up being that way. Who knows, and I think I may need to write a separate post on my thoughts. But, that’s where it stands right now.
Incidentally, I would be voting yes.
~~~
Pay rise for early childhood educators? That needed to happen yesterday. Enough said.
~~~
I am looking forward to the second half of 2016.
Federal Election withstanding.
In God We Trust
Building community; building the Church – God’s calling in my life
The big decisions in life can only be made in light of what God has called us to do. Without God there is no true purpose for life and I truly believe that. Even for people in the world who are on a journey that doesn’t intentionally include God; their lives all have a purpose in God’s ultimate plan.
In light of this my husband and I have decided to take a step of faith and lead a small group in our home. We’ve started Connect Group training through church and we are on a journey to help edify others in their own life travels.
In making this decision we’ve had to pray and allow God to guide us in what we needed to do to make this work for us. One of the biggest changes we had to decide upon was stepping away from the worship team. Not an easy decision; choosing to follow where God leads isn’t always easy. However, a decision that I know will be rewarding in the long term. Still not a decision made lightly.
On my end I’ve been in the Riverview worship team for almost 9 years and all that time I’ve not had a break (except for when I was sick). On my husband’s end he’s been in worship teams on and off since he was in his late teens, so quite some time. Going by that, I know, God willing, that we will be back in a worship team some day; it is a huge part of who we are as followers of Christ. But, in this season of life as a newly married couple it is time to move on to the next step.
We’ve been looking to join a small group for quite a while now, but there really wasn’t somewhere for us to fit. I’d been in a young adults group a few years earlier and so I know and value the need for small group community within a church such as Riverview. It’s a large church and so easy to get lost within the crowd. And one of the most important things in ones faith journey is that we are not meant to do it alone. We were created for relationship: with God and with each other.
I hope and pray that this next step in our journey will strengthen our relationship with God, with each other and the community that we will hope to form within the larger church community.
I’m 30! The rest is all down hill from here!
Not really.
I apologise for the lack of thoughts from my brain;
the last few weeks have been a bit insane.
Before I update you, have the cover of Simple Plan’s soon-to-be released (tomorrow!!!) single, “I Don’t Wanna Go to Bed!” (“Is this their I Don’t Wanna album?” – Mark).
Anyway, updates:
1. My husband’s health took a turn, and he ended up in hospital. We initially thought it was due to ongoing issues with a wound he has on his foot, but over the past week of tests etc (I won’t bore you with them) the doctors now think he has the flu.
2. In the last two weeks of school holidays it was absolutely crazy at work. It’s settled down now, but we now have hand foot and mouth going through the centre. Fun. Spent ages cleaning every single toy in our room yesterday.
3. I turned 30 on Sunday the 11th. Not the most auspicious of occasions, what with Mark being in hospital, but a strangely beautiful day, nonetheless.
4. Riverview is now based at Curtin for the next ten or so months. The first service, which incidentally was on my birthday, went amazingly well. God’s presence was there in the large space. It still felt like home.
5. Throughout all this time, one thing is abundantly clear: God is forever with me.
And finally. Have this photo of the team worshiping pre-service.
God bless you all.
Update on Life
So, I kind of gave up on the July blog challenge, but I thought I’d take some time to update you all on my life.
It’s July. Less than two months until I get married. I’ve been at CBELC for almost seven months. Simple Plan release their fifth studio album this year and life in general just looks up.
Yes, Simple Plan is in my update. So, what? They’re probably as much a part of my life as my faith is. I’m not being defensive about it. It’s just that maybe some people might think I’m a tad obsessive about them.
Speaking of Simple Plan and being obsessed: I really want to get back into my writing. But my muses aren’t cooperating… Which sucks…
These four need to wake up and give me a little inspiration. Especially EP. Would be nice.
I have two stories I particularly need inspiration for. The Baker Tapes and The Uprising. The first one is the sequel to my favourite Avenged Sevenfold fanfiction that I wrote, Shadows Creed. Major writers block is happening on that one. I know where I want to go with it, I just need to get there.
The Uprising is my original story which is based on Shadows Creed.
I know where I want this story to go as well, but inspiration is hard to come by. My mind is probably too full with life at the moment that fictional worlds don’t have room to flourish. Which kind of makes sense in a way. Stories were my way of occupying my mind when I was feeling too alone. Now I have people in my life that fill those spaces.
But, the introvert in me still loves those moments of solitude with my muses. Unless I’m spending it with God.
Haha that just got deep. Maybe I oughta write something centred around my faith…using my original McTavish muse?
Who knows. All I know is that right now I’m having my McGarrett/O’Loughlin fix and life is good.
Reflections of Myself
Listening to: Encounter – Riverview Worship
Mood: Awake, content, happy
I’ve had this thought: Taking initiative is difficult for me. Unless it comes to direct interaction with the children at work. I’m more of a follower and thrive when being directed by others.
I had a big win the other day. I was settling a child to sleep, and by reading a book that he chose he eventually just dropped off to sleep. Sleep time can be difficult; the key is to remain calm and ‘low’ as it helps to settle the children down. Especially if they are still spending their energy.
I think allowing the children to make choices and to give us cues as to when they are tired and being flexible with rest times works. Rather than having strict rest times. Obviously, once we have more children that may need to be altered, but while we have low numbers and the children we have are getting used to the centre it has worked quite well.
I am still super excited about heading to work each day, and I pray that this continues. I know there will be down days; every job has that. However, I am excited for the possibilities and helping my centre grow and become everything it can be for the community it aims to serve.
This is my centre and I’m proud of where we are and where we’re heading and absolutely blessed and feel that it is such a privilege to be part of such an important journey.
I still feel I have more to offer and just need to figure out what that is. I’m not artistically inclined and sometimes it takes time for me to come up with ideas for programming, or abstract thinking. I feel that comes back to the fact that I have a ‘follow the leader’ approach to life.
Give me a task to do and I’ll set my heart and mind to it.
Being left to my own devices I often flounder and will just stick to the easy route of allowing spontaneity to ensue.
This also leads to me appearing lazy; but, I’m far from it. I’m usually just off in my own little world, which is always busy. If I could write everything that was going on in my mind on any given day, I’d probably fill pages and pages…even write a book in a day.
So, just because I may look like I’m sitting around doing nothing, doesn’t mean I’m not actively engaging with the environment I’m in.
I guess children are like that as well.
I’ve learned from experience that a child who is sitting by themselves with nothing at hand doesn’t necessarily need or want attention. Sometimes they are just processing their environment and will eventually make a decision as to what/how they want to engage.
Of course, there will come a time when some encouragement or prompting is welcomed, but this often depends on duration and other factors. But, allowing children to make their own choices is important in building independence and teaching them how to navigate their world.
It’s how they learn. It’s how we all learn.
We never stop learning and growing.
And, reflection is a big part of that. So, here’s my first one for the year. 🙂
Commitment
The word that strikes fear in many a person’s heart. It seems such an uncomplicated word, yet it holds a huge amount of responsibility.
There are so many things we must commit to in our lives. From the mundane everyday things to the big commitments that come our way. We have to commit to the decisions we make; to our jobs; to the people in our lives. It’s a crazy thing, commitment.
These thoughts circle my mind as I think of my faith journey. Early this season of Lent, I made a decision to commit my thoughts and time to God and hence give up something that was taking me away from Him. However, I now realise that I don’t need to do that so restrictively to keep my focus on Him.
I think I am safe, with God’s approval, to relax a little. God knows that my heart will ever be for Him.
My commitment to God is a lifelong decision I’ve made. It may ebb and flow with the tides of life, but, nothing else really matters. I love, Jesus, God, more than any other and He will always be First for me.
My appreciation and commitment as a fan of my favourite band is something that helps me enjoy moments in my life. And, really, in the long run, all music comes from God.
(Except maybe death metal….)
