Grief is a funny thing. There is no rhyme or reason to the process. Here is a list of what grief specifically looks like for me.
Half year thoughts
Today is the second last day of June of 2016. Hard to believe that we’ve reached the middle of the year. Well, almost hard to believe. I look back over this first half of the year and marvel at what has happened. I’ve grown as a person, that’s for sure. I’m a different person than I was at the beginning of the year; but in many ways, still the same. If that makes any sense at all.
Mark and I have been married for nine months. That’s as long as full term pregnancy. Don’t get me started on being pregnant, though.
I’m not pregnant. Just to clarify that point.
Anyway, we’ve been in our little place in Tuart Hill for six months, now and it definitely feels like home. I could hazard to say though that anywhere with my husband is home. Profound? I tend to become pensive when I’m home sick from work.
Yes, I’ve had two days off because of my stupid cough that’s just exhausted me. So, I now have a two day working week? And the serious consideration of perhaps going back to a five day working week…with shorter hours? As in full time, 7.5 hour shifts. Technically 8 hours with a half hour lunch break. My health seems to have taken a step back since picking up the ten hour shifts. Makes a whole lot of sense. Though I do enjoy the extra day off. However, if the payoff is that I get sick more…it might not be worth it. Will have to see.
Anyway, half way through the year, and where are we at? Let’s see. Maybe a list to start the thoughts flowing. 30 things that have gotten me to the middle of the year.
1. We’ve been married 9 months.
2. We’ve been in Tuart Hill for six months
3. Our Connect Group is planned to begin in July, after many setbacks – being sick, too busy, etc.
4. Hubby is starting up his own DJ business. So excited for him. Supplement to our income. A hobby job. He’s doing a wedding next month.
5. We’ve started trying. You know exactly what I mean…
6. Work has gotten busier with more babies in my room – though half of them were sick all week last week. Perhaps why I got sick?
7. Hubby’s work may have more opportunities for him, beginning with an extra two hours per shift. Makes a whole lot of sense. I just don’t like change. But, by the same token it will work for us.
8. I helped my best friend move out of home. – twice – her house warming is at the end of July.
9. Music is a huge part of what’s happening in my life. New worship music especially. And Good Charlotte. Always GC.
10. You thought I was going to put Simple Plan. But that doesn’t even need to be said. Team SP all the way. Taking One For The Team.
11. Spending time with our Breakaway crew. Bowling, Pool, Just Dance party, food, fellowship.
12. Movie dates.
13. Hanging out with my husband’s best friend and God-daughter.
14. Spending time with family.
15. Celebrating birthdays. Three in one in June….
16. My dad was awarded an AM for his contribution to Chiropractic work in Australia.
17. My brother started his first real job. So proud of him.
18. Our centre has been open 18 months and we went really well in our Assessment and Rating – Meeting overall, exceeding in some of those areas.
19. Being sick only in Autumn/Winter – score. Though it sucks because I can’t seem to shake it.
20. I really need to work on being clean at home….Haha. I have no problem with being a clean freak at work, though.
21. I have the best co-workers in the world. They’re my team. My third family. Family is where your heart is. So, that makes sense. One member of that family even invited us to her Church family. The Rocks. An amazing heart for God and His people in that place.
22. I’m cluckier than I’ve ever been.
23. My Nan is on Facebook now.
24. My parents have been married 35 years! Pretty darn amazing.
25. Mark and I watch Q and A on ABC. It’s led to some heated discussions. Also some well thought out debates. I love that I can have conversations that matter with my husband. Also silly convos too 😉
26. I discovered a great devotional tool/app called She Reads Truth. I’ve always wanted to read the Bible more and learn and grow from it, but I’ve always found it difficult to commit. But, because I can engage with it through social media and on my phone, it’s perfect for me. And I can engage others through social media as well. Just my thing.
27. My writing has dwindled…and I’ve been focussing more on my blogging and journal, but that’s alright by me, especially as every now and again inspiration does strike for my stories.
28. During this election campaign period (for Australia and the U.S.) I’ve learned a lot about where I stand on social justice issues. Especially as a faithfully committed follower of Christ.
29. I’ve sung Row, Row, Row, Your Boat more times than I can ever hope to count.
30. Mark and I drove by Riverview’s home building in Burswood…and I can say we are just that much closer to moving home. But, Church is where the people are. So, come to Curtin and worship God with us.
I don’t suppose I really need to elaborate on any of those points as they may speak for themselves. Though I do want to say something about the ‘trying’ point.
I want children. It’s a need that I have deep inside me. To be a mother. To nurture someone into being a person who will make a difference. It’s difficult for me at the moment, knowing that health and other issues stand in the way in some small form. Yes, this is the twenty-first century and there are ways to manage those things. Ways to get past all that. But, it doesn’t make it easy. I think I’m more at peace with it now, though. After an emotional moment last week.
To me, the most important thing is that I get to walk this journey of life with my husband by my side. Me at his. And even that is something I battle with. God alone knows how long that walk will be. But, I promised with all my heart that through sickness and health I would stand by my husband. No exceptions.
Serious thoughts…topical points
Election Day on Saturday. On the second day of the second half of the year I have to make a decision that impacts not just myself, but also my country. Yes, yes…I know my one measly vote may not make much of a direct impact. However, I need to consider my stance on what has been thrown up during this campaign. The same-sex marriage plebiscite, the asylum seekers and what the government is planning to do about it. Early learning educator wages. And many other things that I may even not have thought of.
I have read some interesting and thought-provoking views on how to vote as a Christian; the most radical being a shift in thinking. That is: We should vote in light of what other people need. Not necessarily what we want. If we’re already better off and the vote won’t change much for us either way…then perhaps we should be voting in a way that helps those who are less advantaged. Now that’s a paradigm shift if I ever saw one. And it makes a lot of sense. Hard to change people’s views though, but if anyone should vote that way it’s a committed follower of Christ.
Also, just because a Party might have the word “Christian” in their title, doesn’t automatically mean you should vote for them. Just a thought. Vote instead for a party that acts out Christian values. Not one that is nominal.
My views on a plebiscite for same-sex marriage are quite simple. I think that we should have a say in what happens. My husband believes that it would divisive and damaging. Mayhap the campaign may come across that way, but I would hope it wouldn’t end up being that way. Who knows, and I think I may need to write a separate post on my thoughts. But, that’s where it stands right now.
Incidentally, I would be voting yes.
Pay rise for early childhood educators? That needed to happen yesterday. Enough said.
I am looking forward to the second half of 2016.
Federal Election withstanding.