Grief is a funny thing. There is no rhyme or reason to the process. Here is a list of what grief specifically looks like for me.
1. Being tired. In general.
2. Being completely hyped at work. Smiling at everyone and genuinely being happy, or at least making myself be happy.
3. Crying at movie trailers because I can’t go to see them with Mark.
4. Obsessing over Spider-Man. More specifically Tom Holland’s version
6. Sitting in my PJs and not being motivated to get dressed.
7. Staring into space, NOT thinking about Mark
8. Laughing with friends
9. Watching depressing shows on Netflix (*cough*13 Reasons Why*cough*), because that’s a good idea… 🙄
10. Writing random fan fiction (….about Spider-Man)
11. Uninhibited worship at Church
12. Crying during aforementioned worship
13. Finding every new song released this year relevant to my circumstances
14. Wanting to hide from the world
15. Wanting to socialise
16. Feeling uncomfortable when people say “so sorry for your loss”. I haven’t lost Mark, I have his ashes in my bedroom…. Lol. TOO SOON?
17. Missing Mark terribly. Aches so much.
18. Feeling devastated when other people die even more so. (RIP Spud, RIP TVZ)
19. Leaning hard into God
20. Gratitude. For everyone in my life
21. Wanting to make new memories on the anniversary dates.
That’s what it looks like for me.