Posted in Blogging, life, life update

Grief

Grief is a funny thing. There is no rhyme or reason to the process. Here is a list of what grief specifically looks like for me.

1. Being tired. In general.

2. Being completely hyped at work. Smiling at everyone and genuinely being happy, or at least making myself be happy.

3. Crying at movie trailers because I can’t go to see them with Mark.

4. Obsessing over Spider-Man. More specifically Tom Holland’s version

5. Singing

6. Sitting in my PJs and not being motivated to get dressed.

7. Staring into space, NOT thinking about Mark

8. Laughing with friends

9. Watching depressing shows on Netflix (*cough*13 Reasons Why*cough*), because that’s a good idea… 🙄

10. Writing random fan fiction (….about Spider-Man)

11. Uninhibited worship at Church

12. Crying during aforementioned worship

13. Finding every new song released this year relevant to my circumstances

14. Wanting to hide from the world

15. Wanting to socialise

16. Feeling uncomfortable when people say “so sorry for your loss”. I haven’t lost Mark, I have his ashes in my bedroom…. Lol. TOO SOON?

17. Missing Mark terribly. Aches so much.

18. Feeling devastated when other people die even more so. (RIP Spud, RIP TVZ)

19. Leaning hard into God

20. Gratitude. For everyone in my life

21. Wanting to make new memories on the anniversary dates.

That’s what it looks like for me.

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